What's going on now.

Okay, so im pretty sure all of you know via facebook, that i've made my decision and i'll be working at lebanon this summer, seriously hardest choice ever, but its made so i'm happy! Again, you'll probably know what i'm doing but i'm putting on here anyway, because i can. Jr Staff Maintenance Supervisor. to be completely honest not fully sure what it entails but we'll find out i guess! i can't wait for the summer to start. Also, when i called cascades to tell them that i wouldn't be working there this summer, she asked if i would still be interested in the internship there. Of course i said yes, so she told me that  i should get in contact with them end of june/early july. so yaay! if lebanon can't have me as an intern, i still have a shot at being one somewhere! and it'd definitely be pretty sweet to do that. Another bit of info that most of you don't know is, when i called cascades and told them, one of the reasons was because they wanted to hire me as a counselor and i was looking for some other experience, she said, well we do have one O-team spot left (operations team) if you really want it.. Here's the kicker, if she would've offered that to me right away, i'd be at cascades. I'm sure i made the right decision though, and i'm super pumped to be working with returners (and new people of course). On a different note, For Today is seriously close to taking my favorite band spot over AILD. I think i might get a tattoo of part of one of their album covers, on my right side of my ribs. Or a piercing. i'm not sure. still deciding.

o, but man,, i just can't seem to tack this one down. :(

ll be shown to me (what i should do) but man, it seems like God is cutting it close, tomorrow is when i have to choose. Maybe its obvious what i should d

the upcoming summer.. Every time i think about it, i get the spins. I so want to do what's right but i can't seem to figure out what that is. I know it'

Sitting here in the car on my way to our house. We're going to fix the now broken water pump. Reason why i'm texting this to my blog.. I'm thinking about

Waiting

Still waiting, trying to be patient, so dern hard sometimes though. waiting on so many things. so help me. Hopefully i'll have some answers soon

The choice at hand

Okay, so, whether you knew it or not, i applied at 2 camps this summer. One in WA and one here in MN. I just called Cascades(the one in WA) back, after getting a message from them about my interview. They offered me a job for the summer. As a counselor, which is okay. To be completely honest i'm trying to get into camping ministry full time, so i want some other experience other than counseling. The thing is though, i have a decent chance at becoming an intern there, which is exactly what i want. On the other hand, i could work at Lebanon here in MN, as something other than a counselor, but the chance for internship is pretty much 0, because they dont have an internship program in place. The amount of money i'd be making doesn't really matter to me, but seeing as i have school loans that i'll have to start paying after the summer, it'd be nice to have a little extra going out of the camp season. Which would mean Lebanon would be the easy choice, no plane ticket, more money cause it's not my first year there. ALAS, the internship comes into play. i'd be making PLENTY of cash to pay my school loans off, but i have to remember, the internship is NOT a guaranteed thing. It comes down to what God wants, and thats what i want. So, if you're willing to pray for my decision, and that the answer would become clear, i'd greatly appreciate it.

The new look

So, i just got bored and decided to change the look of my blog, i like it ? brown? who doesnt like brownish dark colors??? anyway, yup, thanks for reading, you who do read it :). also, you know you want some of my delicious eggs and potatoes.

regarding my dreams

So, i just realized, that the pale horse (death) doesn't carry the balance, that' would be the black horse. so it was the third horseman in my dream, not the fourth. i say that because i specifically remember the balance scales. the black horse represents famine. a time of drought within my life is close approaching? i dunno, it might not mean anything at all, then again it could. we'll find out i guess.

dreams...

HOLY mother of crap. so i had 3 dreams within the last 4 hours.. i cannot fall asleep, each one was intense and disturbing in someway or another, normally i write dreams down in a journal, but it's late and i dont care to look for it at the moment, so this will have to suffice. first up, someone (i cant remember who) gave birth to a baby who was part alien, it was really creepy, i dont remember much about this one, but i remember seeing the baby's face, and man, that image is now burned into my mind,, still freaking me out.. second dream, my father, cousin and i were trying to save him (my cousin) from his drunk abusive father. (just wanna say, his father in my dream was NOT his actual dad, his dad is not an abusive drunk, nor was it my actual uncle in my dream). that one went on for what seemed like hours.. planning on how we would kill his dad.. it ended up going awry. his father ended up being killed, but only died after shooting me in the stomach and saying a very creepy message about how he would return, and just because we killed his physical body, he wasn't dead. it was weird. i then remember being followed by a representation of death. The representation of the horseman of death, on the pale horse with the scales, i remember it was really close, then (my father and cousin) laid me on a strange triangular platform and we started to pull away from this, death. i was then brought to life but in a new body. i remember the first face i saw was some blonde woman, she just smiled and hugged me. i remember i woke up in my new body in a field next to a tent, like a big circus tent. this led into my next dream. i remember going into the tent with a different cousin of mine .. it . was. MESSED UP. it was hot, and the air was thick. dimly lit flickering lights lit up hallways made out of particle board. shoddy construction, but the people there didn't care, they were there for one thing. pleasure. i remember walking around with him, trying to find someone. eventually i found someone. after a multitude of things went down.. i remember, a man standing on a stage in front of a HUGE table, filled with some kind of meat. it wasnt like there were a bunch roasts piled up or anything , it was like, a semi truck sized piece of meat. humorous , yes, but there it was. i remember standing next to the man as he talked about how there would be enough, and people just needed to line up, the second he said that, everyone rushed the table. he just sighed and put the microphone on the stand and muttered something to the effect of, they never listen even though there is always enough, as he walked off. i then stepped off the stage and started serving people watermelon chunks from a large grey tub. people walked up to me, plates piled high with this strange meat. a woman came up (as my tub was almost empty) and asked for some, so i gave her three pieces, trying to stretch the last five or six chunks as far as i could. then her sons (who were right behind her) wanted some as well. i remember looking at the bits of fruit i gave them. they weren't the good inside bits that are nice and red, it was like someone peeled off the outer skin of the rind and put it into the tub. i remember thinking, this is going to taste fowl. i apologized and gave her sons (who looked like they were in their late teens) the last few bits i had. they didnt even care about whether it was good, i just remember the older one, at first being annoyed that the younger had one more chunk thank him. but then it was strangely okay with him. he didn't even seem to care.

That was the end of my dreams... i've now been writing it down as accurately as possible for the past 35 minutes. whether it means something or not, i like to remember for future reference, hence the journal of dreams (which is far to empty cause i dont know where it is at the moment.)

why?

Why do things always become clear when i'm about to fall asleep? why do i never do the things i think about at these times. How come when i start to think of these things i end up not being able to fall asleep, they keep me up with hundreds of different ways things i'm thinking about could happen. why is one of those times right now. i want to sleep. very much so. here i am though, writing this down, hoping that it'll just get it out of my head so i can have some peace within. it's not helping. my thoughts continually drift. some thoughts great, some horribly depressing. why does my right arm keep twitching, why dont i know what i should do with my life, will my future children die before me? why did that thought even enter my head? why can't we be a barter based society? why are we so reliant on debt and fossil fuels? why can't i just live in the wild? self-sufficiency is a good thing isnt it? why am i still single? why do i even care about it? why cant i stop thinking about it...

goings on

going to brendas house tonight, excited? you better believe it! man, i've missed her basement.. moooooviieesss. haha,. i wish i wouldn't've eaten that taco meat earlier,, feel kinda sick now :(

Decisions decisions...

here're my choices.. work at lebanon, or cascades. (assuming i get the option to work at both). i have no idea.. my mind is like its in a tumbler. the out comes of the final decision could have major effects of my future.. please pray